When my Dad drives me places to do errands, I use my cane. It helps with stability, especially for walks from the car to the store door. (I've only been "shopping" at small stores, such as the Nature Food Market, or going to the bank. The thought of attempting a trip to Meijer is very overwhelming to me right now.)
When I walk around the house, I don't use my cane. There are stairs in my house, and I hang on to the railing to go up and down. It seems to work well. Sometimes I feel like I'm walking funny, as though my brain neurons aren't quite getting to my leg muscles. But after a bit, everything finally catches up, and I feel like I'm walking like a "normal" person.
Today I spent some time at our house packing boxes and getting things ready for our big move. (Still waiting on a closing date, but when it arrives, I want to be ready). I had my friend Barb come over to help me - we started about 9:30am this morning. Around 11:45 or noon, my body simply gave out. I was exhausted. I wasn't doing any stair-climbing, but putting together boxes and packing things was entirely too much for me today. So the rest of the day was spent with me laying down & watching TV, or taking a nap. It's frustrating, but Barb took over from there and got a lot done. There's still so much more left to pack, but it'll have to wait.
I'm sure my legs are just tired, as is the rest of my body. It's nothing new. I don't want to depend on my cane too much, as I really want to become normal again. And I'm really trying hard to do so. When my body doesn't want to cooperate, that's when I get frustrated. I'm sure my legs are just atrophied because I'm not as active now as I was prior to May. At least that's what I'm telling myself.
In those moments of frustration, I have no choice but to give it all to God. He's been taking care of me all this time. He knows what is going to happen at Mayo Clinic. And I'm ready to accept whatever the final diagnosis is. But until then, I'm going to keep striving forth for whatever my future may bring.
"Your Heavenly Father knows your needs. He will always give you all you need from day to day." - Luke 12:30-31 TLB
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